Wednesday 4th July 2012 | 13:57

PMQS sketch: bubble holds firm over Parliament

There is only one show in town today. Bob Diamond is heading into Westminster, with queues snaking round the building for a chance to watch the former Barclays boss face the might of the Treasury Select Committee.

Here was a villain we could all agree on, with PMQs providing a chance for politicians to join hands and lay into a shared enemy. But the prospect of cooperation seemed to have unsettled MPs, as the half-hour session began with a round of nervous laughter on the subject of food.

A concerned Fiona O'Donnell was worried about food pricing. She was followed by Nicholas Soames, who hauled himself to his feet only to be greeted by a fit of the giggles on all sides. Soames, you see, is a man who looks like he has never been troubled by the cost of club sandwich. The tittering continued; you would never have guessed that there was a major banking crisis unravelling.

Soames smiled awkwardly, before refocusing minds with a question which praised the good work of the City. Cue the subject of the day.

It all began with that type of hushed, monotonic delivery that screams statesmanlike.

Ed Miliband, eyes unblinking – though he always seems to do that – and voice set to serious, wondered why the Prime Minister could "convince people that a Parliamentary inquiry is a better way than a full judge-led inquiry."  Mr Cameron refused to budge. He wanted to be "swift and decisive".

Mr Miliband tried again. The Prime Minister was in "exactly the same position as a year ago" when he resisted calls for a judge-led inquiry on the press before eventually relenting under pressure. Whose pressure? Ed Miliband's of course! The sound of the Labour leader's greatest hit began to drift through the chamber, but he rather spoiled the subtlety by asking Mr Cameron if he would perform a "u-turn" and implement such an inquiry on banking. That was statesmanlike done for the day.

Instead Mr Miliband told the Prime Minister that he "didn’t get it" and had not "understood the depths of public concern." In return, Mr Cameron went for a well-used comeback and reminded everyone that Labour had been in power for 13 years and did nothing. Tory MPs, perhaps feeling that Mr Miliband was getting the better of this exchange, cheered loudly at the sound of that familiar pressure-valve releasing retort.

There was, however, someone still clinging to a statesman-like image. Ed Balls, normally a blur of creative hand gestures and a running commentary of ridicule, was passive throughout, arms rigid, thoughts kept to himself. The one time city minister will inevitably be asked to talk to whatever type of inquiry is held – and the Tories can’t wait. Better not to draw attention to himself then. "They don’t want their dirty washing done in public" Mr Cameron concluded with a theatrical growl, though presumably a judge-led inquiry would provide ample opportunity to do the washing. 

But by now, Mr Diamond's name was long forgotten. And the banks themselves didn't seem to worry anyone either. Instead, the two leaders banged heads, banged on about Parliamentary process, and sought to paint each other as the best friend of the banks. In short, it was PMQs as usual. The bubble may have burst over Barclays, but today it was holding firm over the Palace of Westminster.