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Cats and dogs

 

Cat lovers in Parliament have been having a tough time of it today.

Not only have dogs been soaking up the limelight at the Kennel Club’s Dog of the Year show, there’s also little hope for a new influx of cats to Westminster take on their other mortal enemy: rodents.

Tory MP Anne McIntosh raised the potential for some mousers to deal with the rats and mice on the estate that is “spiralling out of control”.

But John Thurso, speaking for the House of Commons Commission, rejected bringing in a new squad of felines.

“Given the scale and size of the estate, it would be necessary to have a great number of cats to make any real impact. And having a herd of cats on the Parliamentary Estate would present a number of difficulties. I’m advised by my own chief whip that herding cats is quite difficult.”

Boris hacking storm

 

 

 

 

Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, Conservative Parliamentary candidate, awful, awful footballer.

As a group of nine-year-olds danced around him during a football kickabout, the lumbering Mayor of London decided to pull a tactical foul on one of the insubordinate youths.

As Sky News questioned him on his dirty tricks campaign, a repentant Boris said:

“That was a total mistake. I apologise very much. I was going for the ball.”

Unfortunately, the Mayor's credibility has to be called into question given his history when it comes to football fouls: 

Absentee ballot

It’s polling day in Clacton-on-Sea, when voters get their long-awaited opportunity to exercise their democratic right and choose their MP.

Judging by the pictures here, Douglas Carswell enjoyed his visit to the polling booth, apparently to vote for himself.

There’s just one problem: Carswell isn’t actually eligible to vote in the constituency.

As embittered former colleagues have enjoyed pointing out in recent days, the defector’s main residence is in Fulham, while the place he rents closer to his workplace – and lists on the by-election nomination form – is in fact in Bernard Jenkin’s Harwich and North Essex constituency.

Still, thumbs up, eh?

Clacton-on-Seabiscuit

If you're Nigel Farage, how do you follow up being pictured on a Ukip-draped tank?

By greeting the latest Ukip defector to the Clacton, erm, neigh-bourhood, of course.  


Speculation that Ukip’s newest member was once an old Trot remains unconfirmed.

 

Tory in 'chateau bottled nuclear powered ****' rant searches for PA with sense of humour

News reaches Dot that the full-blooded Tory grandee Nicholas Soames is looking for a new PA.

The successful candidate should have all the usual qualifications, such “excellent organisational and administrative skills” and the ability to "work in a sensitive and confidential situation”.

Mr Soames also wants someone who is not easily offended. Or, as the job ad puts it, they should have “an excellent sense of humour”.

Why would this be? A clue perhaps lies in reports last year that Mr Soames told his Tory colleague Adam Afriyie: “You are a chateau bottled nuclear powered ****. You are totally f***ing disloyal, a f***ing disgrace to your party, your fellow MPs, your Prime Minister and your country.”

He then told The Mail on Sunday: "Yes, I was very robust in what I said to him, and yes, I did swear, but I have no regrets.”

What a joker!