ANALYSIS: We now know the Government's Brexit policy is pro-cake and pro-eating it
3 min read
We haven't seen much of Boris Johnson this summer.
It appears that - much like Philip Hammond during the general election - the Foreign Secretary has been locked in a cupboard, and no one in the Government is trying very hard to find the key.
But regardless of his absence, it would seem that one of Johnson's most famous quotes has now been turned into the UK's official Brexit policy.
Because when it comes to the UK's relationship with the European Union after 31 March 2019, ministers are resoundingly pro-cake and pro-eating it.
I can say this with some certainty having sat through every one of the aptly-named "technical briefings" given by Whitehall officials to accompany the dry-as-dust Brexit position papers published in the past fortnight.
Whether it's on the Irish border, the European Court of Justice or the sharing of confidential data, Britain's message to Brussels is very clear: We want things to stay exactly as they are, but with a different name.
Describing it as attempting to re-invent the wheel doesn't really do this bizarre state of affairs justice. Rather, they've accepted that wheels are a good thing, but they want to come up with something identical but call it a rubber-encased circle instead.
Take Ireland as an example, the Government - and Dublin, to be fair - wants to maintain the current border-free arrangement between the Republic and the North, but has yet to explain how that will be possible when one is in the EU and the other isn't. They've even acknowledged that EU citizens would, under their proposals, still enjoy freedom of movement into the UK just as they do now.
No wonder Irish PM Leo Varadkar says he is "confused and puzzled" and has even taken to trolling Theresa May on Twitter as a way of making his point.
The situation was beautifully summed up at this morning's briefing on data sharing, when one official was asked whether the new arrangements being suggested by the Government would be better than the current set-up. Britain was not seeking any "additionality", the assembled hacks were informed.
The reality is that having campaigned relentlessly for Remain, the civil service has been tasked with delivering a Brexit it never wanted. Its solution would appear to be to somehow recreate EU membership while not being members of the EU. Good luck selling that one to Brussels.
So far, most Brexiteers seem relaxed about the situation, no doubt still basking in the fact that come what may, Britain is leaving the European Union.
But how long will that position hold when Vote Leave big beast Boris finally emerges from his cupboard?
