Mothers of children born of rape must never be left to face this alone
5 min read
Ten babies a day are born in this country as a result of rape. Ten every day, every year, for generations.
These children are born to family members, friends, colleagues, and other women we respect and love; women who are too often scared to speak out and are nearly always ignored and unsupported.
There is no point in having a platform if you do not use it. When I entered Parliament, I knew it was important to use my role to speak about the challenges I have seen and experienced firsthand; challenges that continue to affect communities like those I now proudly represent across Bolsover.
With the permission of my courageous daughter, I will keep speaking out
Yet, until recently, it never occurred to me that an important part of my story was having a child born as a result of statutory rape. In areas like mine, which have the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe, it never felt unusual.
The focus always seemed to be on how we could prevent girls from getting pregnant, without digging too deeply into the underlying crime and trauma, hidden in plain sight.
What shocked me about speaking out was the reception. Women told me that, for the first time, they saw a story like theirs being told and, most importantly, being heard.
One mother told me she couldn’t remember the original attack, but she suffered daily as she felt the child grow inside her. She didn’t have an abortion because she felt the attack was her fault, and that would only make a terrible situation worse. She described the exhaustion of hiding her trauma as her precious child celebrated their birthday each year.
Another mother shared her struggle to bond with her newborn with her health visitor. Upon discovering what had happened, the professional declared that a referral to other services would be needed, as the assault had occurred in her home, meaning she was considered unable to keep herself and her children safe.
Finally, a mother told me she had nightmares about her child’s face. The features reminded her of the attacker, but worse still, the resemblance could raise questions, resulting in the perpetrator – known in 90 per cent of rapes – demanding access to the child. Even if she told someone and they believed her, and she endured years of hell waiting for a prosecution, he could still see the child. This situation meant the mother would never be free from her attacker.
Though experiences vary, the response has been so overwhelming and seemingly universal that I no longer wonder whether women have a story but rather what their story is.
So, what do we do about it?
It is now my mission to ensure that mothers of children born of rape are not left to face this alone
Firstly, to those who provide support and love to victims: keep being our unsung heroes, especially those of you who become the father figures in these little lives. Keep giving us space to tell our truth, believe us, let our tears flow, and when we’re ready, hug us better. Men must know to always, always, always get consent, and it is essential to teach our boys to do the same.
To the institutions that are here to support us – thank you for all the times you silently get it right. After years of underinvestment, the challenges are huge. However, I’m incredibly optimistic about the fast-tracking of rape cases and the establishment of rape investigation units in every police force across England and Wales.
While children born of rape are now recognised as victims of crime, and there is rightly more support available for their mental health, we need structured advice and support for their mothers too, as part of our incredible NHS.
The new Labour government, led by a Prime Minister with a track record of working to support victims of sexual violence, has a clear mission to tackle violence against women and girls.
I look forward to working alongside Keir Starmer and government ministers to right the wrong of a child being the only “proceed of crime” that perpetrators can enjoy lifelong access to.
Women shouldn’t be thanking me for being brave; I want these conversations to be part of normal discourse. With the permission of my courageous daughter, I will keep speaking out, and I encourage others who feel able to do the same. Like me, you may be surprised by the response.
Yes, speaking out can be tough, and I still carry a lot more fear and shame than I probably should, but it is now my mission to ensure that mothers of children born of rape are not left to face this alone.
That is why I’ll do my part: I’ll work with campaigners and experts in the field to ensure there’s a charity that provides online and in-person support specifically for women who have children through rape.
I don’t want anyone else to have to Google how to manage conflicting feelings or sensitively speak to their child about where they came from, only to find no clear and useful resources.
Better information for mothers, making support and counselling easily available, fast-tracking rape cases, dedicated rape investigation units, and ending the right of access to children by perpetrators of rape; these changes are essential, but they will not happen overnight. I am sure the road ahead for those of us demanding this change will be long and bumpy.
However, knowing the genuine commitment of the Prime Minister and having clearly seen over recent weeks the resolve of so many women who have lived through such trauma and are now stepping forward, I believe this is the start of an important change; one where women like me, who have children as a result of rape, are not left to face this alone.
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