'We have all been let down by the system': My experiences of foster care

Lamar Mohsen, 11 February 2025 Children’s social care Education Committee

My name is Lamar. I am 19. I am a care-experienced individual who is currently on a staying put agreement with my foster carers in the South East of England.*

I went into local authority care at 10 years old, along with my three sisters firstly, and then my two brothers joined, who were placed away from us.

Initially, when we went into foster care, I will say there was no mental health support. I did not get that check-in. I was 12 when I first realised that I was not going back to my parents, and my guardians were actually my foster carers. I was on a long-term care order. When that reality hit, I spiralled into devastating mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and self-harm, which consumed most of my teenage years.

During the ages of 14 to 17 my most used app was Maps

I cannot remember most of my childhood as a consequence of this, so I am arguing for a solution: a mandated regular check-in to the child, either by the learning support teacher if the child is in school or a check-in by the social worker to explain to the child what is happening.

As my years in care began to grow and my experiences became more negative, respite care became more frequent. For those who are unaware, respite care can happen when the foster carer the child is originally placed with decides to go on holiday and that child is placed with temporary carers. My previous foster carer went on three holidays within the space of six months. For me and my siblings, that meant we had to learn the locations of three different areas, as well as only just having moved to those carers, so learning four different areas within the space of six months, it is draining.

During the ages of 14 to 17 my most used app was Maps, but for other children their most used apps were YouTube, TikTok and Instagram. Moreover, these frequent moves to respite were often during school term, which affected me in more ways than I can explain. Sitting in reception after school hours, after school was closed, waiting for taxis to come to get us. Sometimes social services never booked them. I remember being told to “think of it as a holiday for you too”. While they were off to Mallorca, I was off to Luton. Personally, I was placed 100 miles away from my area for two weeks only a month before my GCSEs.

When I went into college, I think there is a big misunderstanding with growing older, especially with attendance. A lot of the time, I was not in college because I had to move placements from first year to second year… all of my school stuff was in bin bags and boxes. I could not get any of my college stuff to bring in. I remember walking into my law lesson, and then my law teacher going, “Lamar, where’s your work”?

Another key point I would like to say is sibling contact. When I began to understand the ins and outs of the reasons why I was in care, and what that meant for my future, I reduced contact with my parents and ultimately stopped going to contact. This unfortunately meant that my contact with my siblings also stopped. My choice in not seeing my parents does not mean that I also chose to stop seeing my siblings. Birthdays and Christmas presents have sometimes gone months without them receiving them. I currently have two Christmas presents under my bed yet to be unwrapped by them.

My relationships with some of my siblings are not strained, but just awkward. The bonding and communication that should have happened as we grew up just did not. We all became independent at a very young age.

It is hard because I have to sort of remove the blame that I have against myself because I have chosen not to see my parents. I have sort of had this whole conflict in my head, “Should I go to contact just to see my siblings”? For a lot of the time, I went to see my dad, even though that took more of a toll on my mental health, just so I could see my brothers, just so I could see my sisters. Yes, so that is one thing I could ask the government to change.

Last year I turned 18, which inevitably meant I am no longer a child in care. With only three months until my A-levels, everyone’s attention shifted on to rent, universal credits and DBS checking. Navigating this with A-levels and my part-time job was extremely stressful.

For the first couple of months, I had to pay £580 per month in rent, and when I had to reduce my hours that I worked in order to study for A-levels, I could not afford the rent. I remember being on the train to college realising I could not afford it. I started crying. Was this what it was going to be like from now on?

Five days ago, I turned 19. In 44 days, two of my siblings may be presented as homeless to the council as they turn 18. A year on from a staying put agreement and I have not saved up a single penny. This reinforced quite a new feeling for me. I felt far behind for my age. Only just having left education and my career ladder barely even starting yet, there is a pit in my stomach that is absolutely terrified for the future. My biggest worry is moving out, and every time I look at my savings, my worry grows. I am not even sure if I am doing well for my age, but I have to remind myself that I am.

At 16, I finished my GCSEs with 9s, 8s and 7s, after being moved 100 miles away a month prior. At 17, I supported myself with driving lessons. I passed. I bought my car and the insurance after having to move placements at the end of first year in college. At 19, I am looking for change for my little siblings and for any children in care. For foster carers and for social workers too, we have all been let down by the system. 

* Since May 2014, fostered young people in England have the right to stay with their foster families when they reach 18 until the age of 21, if both parties agree.

Lamar Mohsen campaigns with Become, the national charity for children in care and young care leavers, to stop children in care being moved to homes far from the people and places that matter to them. becomecharity.org.uk

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